Coping with transitions and change

It is a truism, but nothing does remain the same. Change is an integral part of life even though change can be disconcerting and unsettling. A dictionary definition describes transition as the "passage of time, from one place, state, act or set of circumstances to another".

Michael is still my son and I am still his mother, but the nature of our relationship has changed. Out of respect I now have to ask Michael ’s permission to use these photographs. It will continue to change and evolve as we both get older. It has gone through, and will go through again, a number of transitions!

Think about your own relationships with your parents. How have these changed over the years? Has it always been easy to negotiate this change?

Are you a parent yourself? In what ways do you think your relationship with your children change, as they get older? Were there any points when it became particularly difficult?

As a family we had always planned that Michael would leave home when he became an adult. As a family we actively encouraged Michael to do so when he was 23 years old. But despite all our planning, it was still a huge wrench and took quite a long time to adjust to. You might know something is right in your head, but not necessarily feel it in your heart! The most important thing about going through any transition - it takes time!

Transitional situations have an emotional dimension and can incur feelings of loss, even if the transition from one situation to another is a positive one, actively pursued by an individual. Take the example of having a first baby. This might have been a long held ambition and brings great joy, but the loss of sleep and freedom can be felt keenly.

A family can have been planning for their son or daughter with learning disabilities to leave home for many years and see it as a very positive move. But it can still feel very strange and bring up powerful and even painful emotions.

Going through a transition in your life can cause people to feel a sense of discontinuity, uncertainty, and even anxiety and loss. Adapting to transitional changes is a process that can take time and is often fraught with different emotions. Some writers have likened it to the grieving process with distinct stages, including anger, depression and disbelief, before adaptation and acceptance.